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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864278">focal point</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/refuted/pseuds/refuted'>refuted</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boys (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, feelings dump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:59:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864278</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/refuted/pseuds/refuted</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Maggie tries to get by.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elena/Queen Maeve (The Boys)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>focal point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>pre-series to 2.04</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"It's not as bad as they made it seem."</p><p>(This is a lie.)</p><p>Elena tilts her head, frowning. Unconvinced. She doesn't let her in.</p><p>Maggie senses the pattern for what it is, knows beyond doubt that this isn't good for either of them but she can't let go just yet.</p><p>She shows up in street clothes; clean gray pullover and skinny jeans, hair down and washed clean of blood and grease, and she almost feels human again. Under the scent of coconut shampoo, she thinks she catches a whiff of burnt tire, but Elena doesn't seem to notice.</p><p>She reaches out, tracing a line up her right arm, to her shoulder, her cheek. Maggie leans in to the touch, suddenly aching for the contact. "Every bone," Elena says quietly.</p><p>Maggie makes a sound like she's not sure how to say, <em> well. Yes. </em> She lifts her arm, rotating it for show. <em> See? Fine.  </em></p><p>Elena remains silent, appraising the Hero of Hell's Kitchen with a deepening turn of mouth as Maggie shifts her weight from one foot to the other and back, fidgeting with an unexpected nervous energy.</p><p>(It has been 64 days since she's called this place home. She wonders when she'll stop counting.)</p><p>Elena sighs eventually, tilting her head inside. Maggie smiles, walking through the open door and locking it behind her. </p><p> </p><p>Queen Maeve makes the nightly news in a rerun of the morning's breaking coverage. It's the first goddamn thing the TV's flipped to — Maggie tries, fails to claim the remote from Elena and resigns herself to thirty seconds of agony. Thinks, not for the first time, that she isn't sure she's cut out for life in the Vought limelight. Mercifully, they don't show the carnage of superhuman arm vs 40,000 pound school bus and better still, they point out the complete prevention of loss of life. (Ashley told her she'd gained 2 points.) The praise is heavy-handed, no one so effusive as Homelander.</p><p>
  <em> "This was all her. Those kids owe their lives to Queen Maeve's quick action." </em>
</p><p>Maggie groans, pulling the sheets over her head. "Turn that off."</p><p>Elena nudges her, reciting the headline with half-feigned awe. "Queen Maeve and Homelander rescue elementary students from Brooklyn Bridge disaster." Elena's hand finds its way to Maggie's arm, thumb stroking crescents around the spot where her humerus had nearly punctured through her skin. She squeezes softly. "You did that."</p><p>Onscreen, Maggie hears herself spew some line that she doesn't even remember giving. </p><p>Stillwell's already had her memorize the exact lines and variations of lines to say. Wouldn't set her into the wild without passing the etiquette test: politely deflect, thank the first responders, tell them you're all heroes et cetera et cetera. </p><p><em> "Though seemingly indestructible, the newly inducted Seven member suffered injuries of her own. " </em> Maggie stiffens. <em> "Hospital sources confirm that Queen Maeve's entire arm shattered against the force of the runaway school bus, though Vought has been quick to declare that she's already made a full recovery." </em></p><p>Elena squeezes again, harder. "I'm never going to get used to that."</p><p>"They're exaggerating," Maggie says through the blanket. She sits up, offering her arm once more. Elena doesn't even look. She turns off the TV. "Minus the full recovery part."</p><p>"Ba—"</p><p>Elena catches herself, just as Maggie realizes how much she's missed that word from that mouth. </p><p>She licks her lips; starts again, and Maggie recognizes the ending for what it is.</p><p>"Maeve, what are you doing here?"</p><p>Maggie doesn't answer. Doesn't know how to say something like <em> I missed you </em> without bringing up <em> so come back </em> (doesn't know how to react to being called <em> Maeve </em>for the first time) and Elena knows it.</p><p>"I think you should go."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>//</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"No."</p><p>"Elena, please."</p><p>"<em>No. Maeve I'm saying no. </em>"</p><p>"I didn't have a choice—"</p><p>"You never have a goddamn choice." (A pattern.) "But I do, and I'm telling you to leave." </p><p>Behind Maggie, a man walks down the hallway. He looks back at them curiously, and Elena grimaces. She lowers her voice and somehow her words come out with more bite. "The <em> love </em>of your life."</p><p>"Please, let me in." Maggie leans forward, palm against the side of the doorframe. She doesn't know how to make this right, but she is so desperate to and she hopes that Elena can see this. "Let me explain."</p><p>Elena straightens. Watches her for a moment, then steps back into the apartment and turns around, crossing her arms. Maggie nearly sobs with the relief. </p><p>"But don't fucking touch me." </p><p>She nods reflexively, hands digging into her pockets before she realizes that Elena can't even see her comply. </p><p>"You have thirty seconds." Elena turns partway, meeting Maggie's gaze from the corner of her eye before she continues. "And then I'm calling TMZ." </p><p>Maggie exhales out, a half-laugh that turns into a quiet gasp when Freckles saunters in from the bedroom. He regards her cautiously, ears perked and tail tall as he approaches. She bends down, slowly offering her hand. "Hey buddy." </p><p>"Traitor," she hears Elena mutter, just as the cat rubs his cheek, then his body against the back of Maggie's palm. </p><p>"I've missed you," Maggie says finally, to the room. She looks at Elena as she says it. </p><p>Elena doesn't visibly acknowledge. "Talk."</p><p>She stands, nudging against Freckles as he circles between her legs. "They wanted the extra press. For…" Maggie pauses, swallows. She didn't think this through. "For the movie."</p><p>"I'm sorry, the what?"</p><p>Maggie closes her eyes as she continues. "Movie. About The Seven." </p><p>She hears Elena turn around. "They're making fucking movies now?</p><p>And Vought sat you down to interview for Entertainment Weekly about love of your life star-spangled Homelander for ticket sales." Elena's voice grows quieter, calmer with every word. </p><p>Maggie keeps her eyes closed. Oh, she really didn't think this through.</p><p>"It's not true."</p><p>"Of course it's not true, I know when you're lying.</p><p>Look at me." </p><p>Freckles disappears, and Maggie nearly misses the absence if not for the warmth that it's almost immediately replaced by. Elena steps into her space, too close. (Not close enough.)</p><p>"<em>Maggie </em> look at me." </p><p>She does, and can't quite read the expression on Elena's face. It isn't anger, entirely. Elena reaches up, skimming her cheek with the back of her hand so softly that Maggie's not sure they're even touching. "After all this," she starts, hand coming back down to her side. "After all you've done to me, I should hate you."</p><p>All at once, Maggie thinks <em> yes </em> and <em> good </em> and <em> but? </em>and isn't sure how to process any of those reactions; isn't given the chance as Elena surges up and kisses her hard.</p><p>She presses her palms against Maggie's ribs and walks her back into the door with so much force that she nearly yelps when her head hits solid wood behind her. Instead, Maggie licks into Elena's mouth, curls her fists around the fabric of Elena's shirt and pulls so desperately that she nearly rips it off. Elena hums admonishingly; digs her nails into Maggie's waist and bites at her top lip, and Maggie understands. She releases her.</p><p>"Elena," Maggie tries.</p><p>"Shut up," Elena says, dropping to her knees.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>//</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She does her best to not look like she's almost died, but the blood doesn't help. </p><p>Her nose won't stop bleeding, staining the sleeves of her second favorite sweater dark and dirty, and she thinks all of her ribs might still be broken, but she makes it to Elena's apartment in one piece, and that is a victory of many sorts. </p><p>"Oh my god, Maggie," is what she hears before she passes out. </p><p> </p><p>Elena gets her to the couch before she wakes up again. Twenty, thirty seconds max, she clocks as she blinks and blinks away the blurriness. </p><p>"Please don't freak out."</p><p>It comes out hoarser than she intends, and Elena doesn't stop fretting at the state of her. She makes for her phone, and it hurts like hell but Maggie shakes her head and reaches up. "Don't, please I'm fine."</p><p>"You're not fucking fine," she nearly yells, but puts her phone down anyway. "What the hell happened?" </p><p>Maggie swipes at her upper lip with the back of her hand and doesn't feel blood against her knuckles when she pulls away, so this is good. She takes a shallow breath and tries to sit up, but her vision begins to cloud once more (not good). </p><p>"I think I'm going to pass out again."</p><p>She does. </p><p> </p><p>"Promise me I'm never going turn the TV on and find out you've died."</p><p>Maggie comes to as Elena does her best to wipe the dried blood off her face. She's knelt on the ground in front of the couch, cupping Maggie's face with one hand as she uses the other to dab at her cheek, her brow.  It's the softest anyone's been with her in a long while, and Maggie doesn't know what to do with the thought. She swallows dryly. Elena's breath flits against her eyelashes, warm. </p><p>"I'm not going to die."</p><p>"You ruined my couch with more blood than a human is supposed to casually lose." Briefly, Maggie wonders where else she'd been bleeding. Her ears maybe. She thinks she might remember that bit. </p><p>Elena sighs, tossing the cloth toward the kitchen. "I thought you were bulletproof."</p><p>"I am."</p><p>"Call me naïve but I thought bulletproof also meant, you know, invulnerable." </p><p>She hums. "You and me both."</p><p>"<em>Fuck, </em>Maggie what is going on?"</p><p>"Hey, hey." She reaches out, finds Elena's hand and squeezes. "At least we know that I can bleed through your Farlov and live to pay you back for it."</p><p>"That's not funny, Shaw."</p><p>Maggie squeezes again. (All she can do to thank Elena, to calm Elena, is hold her hand.)</p><p>"Why aren't you in uniform?"</p><p>"Funny story actually."</p><p>It's not, and Elena tilts her head like she knows it's not, but Maggie doesn't know what else to say.</p><p>"Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighborhood during a drug bust gone wrong?"</p><p>(This is a half-lie.</p><p>She does end up in the neighborhood, and the drug bust does go wrong, but it's a collar she was explicitly told to stay away from and she doesn't realize why until she's thrown herself on top of a grenade.</p><p>They were all meant to die in that room, and Maeve was supposed to let that happen. She's not sure what Vought would make of the disobedience; supposes that Elena probably shouldn't know this.) </p><p>"Fine, don't tell me. Just," Elena pauses, considering what she's going to say, but Maggie sees it coming in the drop of her shoulders, the lock in her jaw. "I can't do this."</p><p>She stands, putting distance between them before she continues. Elena looks her in the eye. "I love you," she says, and means it, and Maggie hadn't been sure that was still true until now. How bittersweet. "I love you but I can't be this person for you if you won't let me in." </p><p>(Too many scenarios play out in her head. Too many endings that ache to even consider.) </p><p>"I'm sorry. This won't happen again."</p><p>"That's not what I meant. You know that's not what I meant," Elena says, exasperated, but Maggie's already up. She passes Elena on her way to the door, who tries to hold her back with two hands fit right around the crook of her neck, softly, solidly. "Stay. At least until I know you're not going pass out again."</p><p>Maggie smiles, takes her hands, and lets them fall.</p><p>"I have to go."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>//</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Maggie?"</p><p>"Don't turn on the TV."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Stay off the internet. Don't answer the phone unless it's me. I'll be over in ten minutes."</p><p>"Should I be worried?"</p><p>Silence. Yes, definitely. </p><p>"Maggie."</p><p>"Ten minutes."</p><p>She makes it in eight. An eternity. </p><p> </p><p>"Are we in danger?"</p><p>Maggie nearly tells her that no, they'll be fine. It would have been the kind thing to do. The buy-her-some-time-while-she-figures-out-how-to-make-that-ring-true thing to do, but it finally occurs to her Elena knows her better than this. Deserves better than this and quite possibly deserves better than <em> her </em>but she supposes that she's going to need to get them away from Homelander before she can process that last bit. </p><p>"Not if we play the part."</p><p>(This one might be a full-truth.)</p><p>Elena blinks, maybe a little surprised at her candor. Maggie could get used to the honesty. It's oddly cathartic. "Tell me what that means."</p><p>"It means you're Queen Maeve's girlfriend."</p><p>Elena's brow twitches up. </p><p>"And what does <em>that</em> mean?"</p><p>"It means I'm asking you to go steady with me."</p><p>"And if I say no?"</p><p>Elena smiles when she says this. </p><p>"Are you saying no?"</p><p>"No. But I'm not joining a cult for you."</p><p>She loves her; wants to kiss her, and belatedly it occurs to her that she can do that now. She is going to do that, if it's okay. </p><p>"Play the part, huh?" Elena steps closer, lower lip catching between her teeth. She hooks her index finger underneath one of the belts on Maeve's skirt and pulls, until Maggie can nearly taste the honey in her lip balm. </p><p>"That mean you finally get to take me out on that dinner date?"<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this in a frenzy because I have so many feelings! Please tell me your feelings too I am parched.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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